Actor Kareena Kapoor recently took to Instagram to announce the release of her new book, titled ‘Kareena Kapoor Khan’s Pregnancy Bible’. The actor posted a video where she revealed the book and talked about what made her write it.

 

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“I think being an author is cool. You don’t have to pay for food at McDonald’s and you can cross the street without looking towards your left and right,” she said.

The actor goes on to describe the book, “It’s a collection of essays that talk about what I went through when I was pregnant both times. I know most people would say that there are tons of books out there that would describe the pregnancy experience, and everything related to it, out in the world, but this book also has is a guide to deal with your firstborn who thinks you are “a basic bitch with the taste level of a box-dyed, Gucci-belt, and capri wearing mom at Nature’s Basket who loves to tell people that she makes their kids eat quinoa”. I’m not speaking from my own experience but that of a very close personal friend who has a precocious son she loves a lot, despite him regularly talking trash about her on his group chat with Karan Johar’s twins.”

The Refugee actor revealed that she was not on board the idea of writing a book initially, “I never saw myself as a writer. I mostly saw myself as someone who believes in astrology but likes to tell people that she doesn’t so that she can feel superior. But when I told this to my editor, she asked me if I had fallen on my head one too many times by accident and that maybe she should leave and go to Anushka Sharma. I realized that I couldn’t let this opportunity slip through my fingers and agreed to write the book on the spot.”

Fans are excited to get their hands on this book and we’ve got an exclusive first look. Here’s an exclusive excerpt from Kareena Kapoor’s Pregnancy Bible…

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When I was pregnant with my first child, Media Darling Taimur Ali Khan, I used to regularly dream about a tiny ball of light that used to tell me to dump all my Gucci slides in the garbage can outside our apartment and ditch my best friend Amrita Arora. I tried going to many Dream Readers but no one could accurately tell me what it meant. When I heard Taimur’s first words, things became slightly clearer. We were playing with his building blocks in his nursery one day when all of a sudden he pointed at me and said “I can live with the fact that I’m linked with this family because of blood bonds, but I would not tolerate you posting a picture with your friends and captioning it with ‘Squad Goals’ and that’s the end of it”. In that moment I knew our connection was deep and I had felt it even when he was just a tiny little foetus in my womb. Motherhood is filled with special moments like these.

Not all moments are as heartwarming as these. When I told Taimur that he’s going to be a big brother soon, he said “If the new kid enriches on my paparazzi time, then you’re going to speak to my lawyers”, that wasn’t fun. But we talked it out as a family and came to the conclusion that the new baby would be kept hidden from the outside world and then shipped to a boarding school at an undisclosed location until Taimur has made this big-screen debut with ‘Student of the Year: 24, It’s the Time to Disco’.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. We need to start at the beginning. Approximately a million years ago, the Earth was populated with lizard beings called dinosaurs. I learned this from a movie I saw on a flight earlier last year. Dinosaurs were really huge and scary and they didn’t like little children so they chased them everywhere. They also destroyed a theme park, which was just rude. But then the dinosaurs got destroyed because of space alien attack and our ancestors landed on Earth. I don’t know much about what happened after that because I never truly paid attention in Science class. A few decades after that, humanity discovered movies and that’s where I come in. I’m a movie star and a lot of people assume that things are easy for us. I’d like to clear that assumption by telling you that it is not. Like any regular human being, we grow our own teeth and hair. We also have to attend our own dentist appointments. We even get morning sickness when we’re pregnant. Granted that when you’re a Certified Movie Star TM, you get to have a 16-piece orchestra give the background score to you retching every morning. It was weird in the beginning but then you get used to it. Saif even started throwing up every morning just so he could have the orchestra play his favorite musical pieces for him but they told him to STFU and jump up his own ass, so he shut up. As you continue to read this book, I will take you through my journey to becoming a mother to two amazing children, one of whom does not spend a majority of his time planning ways he can get emancipated and start his life free from ‘our mediocrity’. I hope you enjoy it…