When it was announced that #MeToo accused singer Anu Malik was going to be back as a judge on this year’s Indian Idol, there was a lot of backlash. Singers Sona Mohapatra, Neha Bhasin and Shweta Pandit, who have personally faced Anu’s special brand of sleaze were angry that there were no repercussions to his being named in the movement, while his victims will continue shelling out money on lawsuits and therapy.

But turns out that all that noise was for naught, because researchers have claimed that he couldn’t have done any of those despicable things because he was a decent human being to the human form of an un-flushable turd Aditya Narayan, who happens to be the anchor on Indian Idol.

“So we didn’t actually research or anything, but we’re pretty sure the statement Aditya Narayan gave on Anu Malik is proof that he is not a sexual harasser,” said the researchers.

At an event to promote skinny jeans for dogs, Aditya was asked what he thought of the allegations against Anu Malik, to which he replied, “I’ve heard that there are ladies out there saying that he’s a repeat sexual offender and that he has harassed and assaulted multiple women, including singer Shweta Pandit when she was 15. That really sucks. When I was 15, I was still basking in the glory of my song ‘Chota Bachcha Samajh Ke Humko Na Samjhaana Re… have you heard it?”

 

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A post shared by Aditya Narayan (@adityanarayanofficial) on Nov 15, 2019 at 2:54am PST

When asked to come back to the topic, said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, dude’s always been decent to me. In that, he keeps me entertained with hilarious jokes like this one. Santa and Banta were discussing #MeToo, Santa was very sad for the ladies, Banta didn’t care, then Santa said ‘arrey think about our wives yaar’ to which Banta said ‘haha exactly, they’re too ugly to be in #MeToo so they are safe which means we are safe hahahah’.”

The researchers also have evidence in the form of a testimony by Anu’s other supporter, singer Hema Sardesai, who is mostly famous for singing a song featuring Kareena Kapoor in blackface for Anu Malik.

According to her, the victims took this long to speak up because they’re publicity hungry, completely missing the point that using Anu Malik to stay relevant is as useless as using a bandaid on a gun shot.

She also said it takes ‘two hands to clap’, in reference to the alleged sexual assault where the much older and powerful man told a 15-year-old girl to give him a kiss while they were alone in his sound-proof recording studio.

“In conclusion, Anu Malik good. Women bad,” said the researcher.